The Midnight News 6.20.01 

Posted By Hyatte on 06.20.01

Smackdown, Benoit, The one girl who makes Chyna look hot, my sort of namesake, and where are the Mop-Ups? 

Well, last night I was nowhere near a computer ALL NIGHT LONG (WHOOOO!!!) so no news.

It all worked out, seeing how 411 was down all night because SOMEONE was too busy bleaching his hair to operate the Hyat...err... 411 machine WIDRO!!!!!!!!

Not much today.... except news about ME in the plugs section!! That's something, right???

Ah, you all suck

I LIKE TO GET KISSED BEFORE I GET SMACKEDDOWN

I don't do spoilers, but I do like to TEASE!!!

Actually, someone told me that my teasers really are spoilers, I disagreed. It broke down to a point where he was calling me an "unemployed hack Internet writer" and I was calling him a "Jew lawyer". Ahh, you crazy readers.

Anyway, this Thursday, look for:

-dissension between Edge, Christian, Angle, and Rhyno

-Vince and Austin engage in scripted hilarity

-Shane blows a "look how slick I am" spot

-DDP is there, sort of

-A Japanese civil war

-Two title belts switch hands!

-and an extra stip is added to the main event at the PPV

-oh, and while you are watching this, I am fingering your girlfriend

The Observer told me this

BENWHAT?

Chris Benoit talked to some idiot from The Law, which made it's way on a radio show... or he was on a radio show and it made it's way to the Law... actually, I don't know how this works... guess what, I DON'T CARE, EITHER!!!

The Observer posted it, though.

It's a LOOONG interview, so here we go:

-Benoit still feels the heat from all the egos running the WCW locker room, and how he kept telling himself that things were bound to change for him while he was there.

-So far, his biggest career moment was when he started negotiating with the WWF right after winning the WCW title from Sid. (millions of pureso homos are screaming "WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU WERE WILD PEGASUS? WHY DIS JAPAN, CHRIS??? WHY, WHYWHY??? Someone go tell Zach Arnold to go get laid.... little 21 year old cherry)

-He found his passion again in the WWF. There's something special about being a part of everything and being appreciated. (yeah, getting a set salary is SO overrated without a HUG from your boss, too)

-His only injury is a "bulging disk in his C7" which is giving him tricep problems. (ya know, I'd kill for ANY sort of decent "bulge". I got nothing.... NOTHING)

-He says the difference between Canadian fans and American is that Canadian fans seem to be more respectful and more laid back when they see him outside. Plus, Canadian fans are frightened little pussies who are probably crapping their pants when they see the great Benoit!

-He never gets nervous before a match anymore.... he keeps challenging himself to steal the show. (Put him in the Wrestlemania main event, we'll see the butterflies then, by God) 

-He says that the ten German Suplex spot he gave Austin was all Austin's idea. He loved it because it was so different. He was honored to get Austin's trust like that.

-He says the best promos are the one's that come from the heart. He is constantly working on them. He put over Arn and Flair as promo masters.

-He says that he is very conscience of his body and would never push himself over the edge. He knows his limits and will not push them and risk permanent injury.

-He says that in Japan, since he doesn't speak the language, his matches become very instinctive. It's a great way to grow as a performer. You learn to adapt and wrestle blind.

-He idolizes the Dynamite Kid and preached the benefits of going all over the world and studying every style you possibly can. It sends the worker's confidence into the stratosphere (ha, Nash went from a Michigan titty bar to the WWF championship inside of three years... what does Benoit know?)

-His better matches were in Japan against "Thunder" Liger and in Mexico against the VILLANOS!!!!!!! (yes, YES... the Cartel LIVES!!!! RESPECT LA FAMILIA!!)

-He loves the German Suplex best. Rolling Suplexes come a close second.

-His favorite WCW moment was working the best of seven series against Booker T... (you know, the ones that were not televised and NEVER EVEN ACKNOWLEDGED ON-AIR????). 

-He loves the idea of having Paul Heyman in the company. He said the Undertaker once called him the "Vince Lombardi of Professional Wrestling". Then Benoit said the UT proceeded to beat the crap out of both him and Jericho for taking his KOTR spot.! (YEAH!!! WORK THEM PUNKS, TAKE!!! JAPAN TRAINED, MY ASS!!!)

-Benoit is amazed at just how fast Kurt Angle picked the business up.

-He says that he stayed quiet during his time in Russo's WCW, but he also remarked at just how clueless Russo really was about the business.

-He calls HHH the most dedicated wrestler in the business. (ahHA!! A LITTLE SUCK UP!!! THE GLASS CEILING IS ALIVE AND WELL AND IT DON'T LIKE CANADIANS!!!!)

-He doesn't mind being the Face or the Heel, so long as he is in a solid program.

-He says that young wrestlers should always remain humble. He watched WCW wrestlers get handed huge contracts before working a single match (*COUGHmillerBLECH*) and they would walk around the locker room complaining. He says the business is one where you never stop learning, because it always changes.

-He refused to speculate on the future of the business because the business is always changing.

BASS MASTER

Here's a little bit of sickness to make yer toes curl and your peckers wilt....

Nicole Bass used to work for the WWF. Nicole Bass is a large woman, a frequent guest on the Stern show, who looks just like a man with boobs and makeup.

Well, Bass left the WWF, and filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against them claiming that she had an "ungimmicked" guitar smashed across her head and that she was sexually "groped" by a wrestler on an airplane.

Bass hooked up, with Rob Black's XPW outfit in California. There, Bass worked in the ring and made "bondage" vignettes with the company where she, among other things, spanked other women, verbally and physically assaulted tied up wrestlers in their underwear, and used canes in two as yet unreleased videos.

Rob Black, owner of XPW appeared in 5 of these videos, I Love to Hurt You, Pain and Suffering,Beat Your Ass, Violence on Violence, and Hell and Back.

Why am I telling you this? Because in about two weeks, Black will sit down and give a deposition to Vince McMahon and talk all about Ms. Bass and her unusual sadomasochistic activities.

Oh, and the wrestler who Bass claims groped her.... The Brooklyn Brawler, Steve Lombardi.

Yeah, Vince is sweating this lawsuit. BIG TIME.

BUT, PLUGS

Well, first and foremost "Terry" read last week's guest Raw Mop-Up by "Bret" and decided HE wanted to get into the act. So he recapped Smackdown last week. You have GOT to see it.

The good recap is here, but if you want the screwed up version where I put the whole thing in italics by accident, go here 

Where is the Mop-Up? Look, I could make this more dramatic, but the fact is that I don't want to do them anymore. Period. For the past two years I went from looking forward to Tuesdays to dreading them. I'm just sick of doing them, and the quality of the columns testified to that. So for the time being.... call the Mop-Ups retired and gone. From time to time, I may do a special column and rip on Internet Homos.... but only if I'm inspired to and enough people beg.

I realize that this damages my standing as an "Internet Wrestling Personality", now tell my why this should bother me.

Four years this week I started the columns. I started them at Scoops where I was the big "rebel" pitbull in a "mainstream" site. I left, the site died.... thus the tone of the column died. I did as much with the column as I could do.... make people laugh hard, present the wrestlers as human beings, not Gods.... tore down Internet egos, ripped up sites, embarrassed people to tears, and showed just how written words and attitude can make people fear you. Not a bad legacy. Meaningless, but not bad.

So, I'd like to thank no one but myself.... because only I kept myself going. No one helped. Thank you, Hyatte.... you're welcome, Hyatte. Oh, I'd like to thank everyone who put my name on a sign and got it on a show (last week's Smackdown... booya) and everyone who sent me free stuff.

Four years.... longest commitment I've ever had to anything. 

I'll still do the news here, so it's not like the "flavor" of the Mop-Up is gone . I'm still doing "AAT", just not until the mood hits me. I won't do one if I don't have anything fresh to say that week.

Okay... moving on, 411 gathered some of it's writers (not me, of course.... I'm too important) to look at the King of the Ring brackets and make some predictions. To see what Beanie and Ben Morse has to say about who wins-and you KNOW you need to know what Ben Morse thinks- go here. 

Speaking of Ben Morse.... he has a very special Mean which explores the myth, the legend, and the soul of 411's very own Widro.... now, while I'm sure the entire Internet won't be running to this column, 411 readers (and that's quite a bit of people... more than anyone knows... thankyouverymuch) will enjoy it. So href="http://411wrestling.com/columns/headlines/95.shtml">go read it.

Widro.... the one man whom the Mighty Hyatte calls.... Widro

Finally, Craig Letawsky once again shows up to keep all things equal by making sure 411 has it's own go Wrestling questions ANSWERED column. One of the biggest sources of misery I have is the knowledge that F-Ing Scaia started this trend.

Okay.... Honky Tonk Man's away for a while, so I go to OTHER sources for a bit of light hearted fun to wrap things up....

ME WITHOUT THE "E"

From Missy Hyatt's web site comes THIS passage of brilliance and deep thought:

OK I will put all the rumors to rest NOW. Yes, myself and Tammy "Sunny" Sytch are in the BUFF on my new site wrestlingvixxxens.com The site should be up by June 24th or so. SO check it out! We will be adding more vixen's every 2 1/2 months and pictures are updated weekly and a lot of other features.

When Tammy and myself were in Tampa doing the photo shoot we went on this retarded radio show "Bubba the Love Sponge". This fat guy is like the biggest Mark for Hulk Hogan, which hey that is OK but his "Rain Man" side kick got so upset that I made fun of Val "The Vienna Sausage" Venis, .......I was only joking.... then Tammy said something about Edge or Christian (which ever cuz I can't remember which is which and I don't care) So the "Rain Man" called one of them and Test we left the studio they began to dog us, they healed on us in a big way. They did not have the balls to do it while we were on the air. They have NO RESPECT! Tammy and I have been in this business longer and believe me in 20 years we will be remembered before those jaybrones. Like these pervs will be the 1st ones to sign up for our site. 

The, Missy favored us with:

Who's HOT and Who's NOT!

HOT Dylan Dean The HOTTEST manager I have ever seen in the biz
NOT Edge or Christian which ever it was and Test they get the Steve Corino Jaybrone Award of the month 

HOT wrestlingvixxxens.com NUFF SAID
NOT Trent Acid of the Backseat Boyz he is sooooo GAY 

HOT Backseat Boyz with Donnie B. "the best tag team in the world"
NOT Marks like "Bubba the Love Sponge" 

HOT Brutas " The Barber" Beefcake's Harley.... but not him.... sorry Ed
NOT long haired 1980's rock in roll looking guys....... oopps I meant Edge or Christian "which ever" again

You know.... when I first heard this news, I freaked. Who had nude pictures of me and why are they going to post them online with nudes of Tammy Sytch?

WHEW.... thank God. Only five people have seen those pictures of me naked with a dead puppy and those people have been sworn to secrecy. They'll NEVER get out.

Wow.... I just retired the Mop-Up.... I need to go away and reflect on this a bit.

Me and Cal Ripken. Jeeze.

This is Hyatte